Common Questions

COMMON QUESTIONS

The Origins of Sexual Orientation

What causes homosexuality? Is it a choice?
Sexual orientation, whether it be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual does not appear to be something that one chooses. Recent studies suggest that sexual orientation has a genetic or biological component, and is probably determined before or shortly after birth. Like heterosexuals, gays and lesbians discover their sexuality as a process of maturing, they are not recruited, seduced or taught to be homosexual. The only choice most gay or lesbian people have is whether or not to live their lives honestly, or according to societies unrealistic expectations

Is homosexuality a psychological problem or mental illness?
The American Psychological Association, the American Psychiatric Association do not consider homosexuality to be an emotional or mental disorder. Published research is overwhelming - there is no significant difference between the mental health of heterosexuals and the mental health of homosexuals. However, the social stigma associated with being gay can be emotionally trying.

Is homosexuality brought about by poor parenting, or lack of religious beliefs?
Gay people grow up in all types of homes, with all types of families. They are raised in rural areas, large cities and everywhere in between. Gay men and lesbians represent every socioeconomic, ethnic, and religious background possible.

"There is evidence, that parents have very little influence on the outcome of their children's sexual orientation under normal upbringing conditions." However, a parents' attitude can influence the way a child chooses to relate to his or her sexuality, whether it be heterosexual or homosexual.

Is homosexuality caused by abuse, or a bad experience with someone of the opposite sex?
Many people suffer from all types of abuse and neglect as children, yet grow up to be heterosexual. Many people, both heterosexual and homosexual, have had bad experiences with a person of the opposite sex. There is no correlation between any of these occurrences and homosexuality.

Can homosexuality be cured?
Since homosexuality is not a disease or disorder, there is nothing to cure. A few therapists claim that they can rid gay people of their homosexual desires, but their methods remain extremely questionable and rarely, if ever, have resulted in permanently changing anybody's sexual orientation.

According to the American Psychological Association, no scientific evidence exists to support the effectiveness of any therapies that attempt to convert homosexuals to heterosexuals. The American Psychological Association Executive Director Dr. Raymond Fowler also states that "Groups who try to change the sexual orientation of people through so-called conversion therapy are misguided and run the risk of causing a great deal of psychological harm to those they say they are trying to help."

The American Academy of Pediatrics states: "Therapy directed at specifically changing sexual orientation is contraindicated, since it can provoke guilt and anxiety while having little or no potential for achieving changes in orientation."

The American Medical Association "does not recommend aversion therapy for gay men and lesbians. Through psychotherapy, gay men and lesbians can become comfortable with their sexual orientation and understand the societal response to it."

The American Psychiatric Association states: "There is no published scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of reparative therapy as a treatment to change ones sexual orientation." The American Psychiatric Association also states: "gay men and lesbians who have accepted their sexual orientation positively are better adjusted than those who have not done so."

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The Gay Lifestyle

What is the gay lifestyle?
Just as there is no such thing as a single heterosexual lifestyle, there is no such thing as a single gay lifestyle. Anti-gay activists have promoted the idea that the lives of homosexuals revolve around sex and the pursuit of sexual encounters, and that the only identity homosexuals have is with being gay. To anti-gay organizations this is the only gay lifestyle that exists, and they do their best to promote this misconception.

In reality, the lives of gays and lesbians are as varied as the lives of heterosexuals. Some choose to live in long term committed relationships, others choose to remain single. Some couples choose to raise children, others do not. Hobbies, occupations and activities are just as varied as within the heterosexual population.

How many gay people are there?
For decades the incidence of homosexuality in the general population has been estimated to be approximately ten percent. Organizations opposed to gay rights have consistently claimed the number to be much lower. Despite the controversy, ten percent still remains the most widely accepted estimate.

In an attempt to diminish the legitimacy of civil rights protection for gays and lesbians, anti-gay organizations and homophobic politicians were quick to misuse information gathered from the Battelle Institute Study, claiming that only one percent of the population is homosexual. The Battelle Study, however, was not intended to determine the sexual orientation of those surveyed, but rather the sexual practices of those surveyed - two entirely different concepts.

The Batelle Study surveyed males in their 20's and 30's asking questions about sexual activity over the last ten years, and whether or not they considered themselves to be exclusively homosexual. Several problems are apparent:

Women (and therefore lesbians) were excluded from the survey.
Participants were males in their 20's and 30's. Many gay men (and lesbians) in their 20's are still unsure about their sexual orientation - even if they have had homosexual experiences, they may be reluctant to label themselves as homosexual.
It's not uncommon for gay men (and lesbians) who have not fully accepted their sexual orientation to engage in heterosexual behavior as a means to deny their same-sex feelings. This in itself may have prevented participants from labeling themselves as exclusively homosexual, even though their desires may have been predominately for members of the same-sex.
The survey did not provide for anonymity (social security number, place of employment, and references were required). Gays who are not out at work, with friends or with family would have been less likely to answer questions honestly.
Most gay men (and lesbians) are in the closet, and would probably not participate in a survey such as this.

Until the stigma associated with homosexuality is removed from society, and gays and lesbians are allowed the freedom to be honest about their lives, the controversy is likely to continue. It is however, safe to say that almost everyone has contact with at least one gay or lesbian person on a regular basis whether they are aware of it or not.

Aren't gay people obsessed with sex?
Contrary to popular belief, gay men and lesbians are no more inclined to be consumed with sexual thoughts or feelings than their heterosexual counterparts, nor are they attracted to everyone of the same sex they meet.

The lives of homosexuals, like the lives of heterosexuals are about much more than sex, but it's easy to see why people believe these common misconceptions. Many people do not even realize that they know someone who is gay. Consequently, their only knowledge of homosexuality comes from the media or out-spoken anti-gay organizations, neither of which is likely to show the average gay person or couple. The media is in the business of selling news, and radical behavior of any kind sells. Anti-gay organizations are in the business of making gay people appear as hedonistic as possible. They will obviously focus their attention on the most radical behavior that can be found within the gay community.

Aren't homosexuals promiscuous?
Promiscuity has nothing to do with one's sexual orientation, but rather one's values and beliefs. Just as in the heterosexual community, some gay people are promiscuous, some are not. In a 1992 study, 55.5% of gay men and 71.2% of lesbians reported to be in steady relationships.

Are homosexuals miserable, lonely people?
Members of anti-gay organizations like to offer proof that the gay lifestyle is bad by stating that most gay people are miserable and lonely. First of all, the majority of homosexuals are not terribly unhappy or lonely, but these organizations may have a point. Being gay in our society is not easy. The social stigma, rejection by family, friends, and church, the discrimination and the sense of social isolation can all be emotionally devastating. What these anti-gay organizations fail to admit is that they are a large part of the problem. By spreading malicious lies, which demonize gays and lesbians, they spread their homophobic attitudes through out society, making the world a sometimes intolerant place for homosexuals.

Are lesbians radical feminist man-haters?
While the overwhelming majority of lesbians are feminists, most feminists do not hate men. They simply support the belief that women deserve the same rights to make personal decisions and the same opportunities for social and professional growth that men currently enjoy.

Why do gay people flaunt their sexuality? Why don't they just keep it private?
The majority of gay people don't flaunt their sexuality. As a matter of fact, many go to great lengths to hide their sexual orientation. There is a double standard in our society. What some consider to be flaunting by homosexuals is usually regarded as everyday behavior for heterosexuals. A heterosexual couple walking hand in hand is perceived as normal. Very few would consider their behavior to be inappropriate, if they even noticed it at all. On the other hand, a lesbian or gay couple exhibiting the same behavior would almost certainly be noticed, and most likely be accused of flaunting their sexuality or promoting their lifestyle. They may be harassed or worse yet, physically attacked.

Heterosexuals are free to talk about their spouses or dates. They can wear their wedding rings, display pictures of their loved ones on their desks, kiss good-bye at the airport, include their significant other in company parties and so on. A gay person who chooses to do the same may be seen as a trouble maker, or a radical homosexual out to prove a point.

The truth is most gay people are not out to make a statement. They simply want to be able to incorporate the many aspects of their lives the way heterosexuals are permitted to do. What the majority of people mean when they say that gay people should keep their lives private, is that gay people should keep their lives secret. Imagine for a moment, having to hide the very existence of the most important person in your life.

What gay people do in bed is disgusting and perverted!
First of all, what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their own bedroom is nobody's business but their own. Secondly, gay people don't do anything in bed that heterosexuals don't do themselves. Intimate behavior between many gay couples could be perceived as mild when compared to what some heterosexual couples do.

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Homosexuality, Children & Family Values

Are homosexuals more likely to molest children?
One of the most enduring and damaging myths equates homosexuality with child molestation. In truth, the most likely person to sexually abuse a child is a heterosexual male; in many cases this person is a family member or close family friend. Pedophiles who molest children of the same sex are almost never homosexual in their adult sexual relations. Furthermore, the molestation of children by heterosexual women appears to be uncommon, and even less common among lesbians.

Don't homosexuals recruit children and seduce naive adults?
In an effort to spread fear and ignorance, organizations that oppose gay rights often portray homosexuals as sexual predators out to recruit or seduce as many people as possible. Homosexuals, like heterosexuals discover their sexuality as a process of maturing; they are not recruited, seduced or brain washed into the gay lifestyle. Common sense proves the difficulty gay people would face in trying to recruit. What would they have to offer? Rejection by family and friends, fear of discrimination, the opportunity to experience harassment, violence and possible death at the hands of a homophobe? The idea of recruitment is utterly without scientific foundation.

Why is it important to educate our youth about homosexuality?
Not all teenagers are heterosexual. As many as 7.2 million Americans under the age of twenty are gay or lesbian. In 1992 the Hetrick-Martin Institute reported that eighty percent of gay and lesbian teens experience feelings of severe isolation. Forty-five percent of gay males, and twenty percent of lesbians experience physical or verbal assault while in high school, and twenty-eight percent of these teenagers feel forced to drop out of school.

Gay and lesbian teens are also two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than their heterosexual peers and account for up to 30% of all completed suicides among teens. In 1989 suicide was the leading cause of death among gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender youth. It should be obvious that honest information, positive role models, support from well informed teachers, counselors and friends could be immensely helpful to a teenager who is struggling to come to terms with his or her sexual orientation.

The American Academy of Pediatrics states that "Pediatricians should be aware that some of the youths in their care may be homosexual or have concerns about sexual orientation. Care givers should provide factual, current, non judgmental information in a confidential manner."

Gay and lesbian youth are not alone in their need for honest information about homosexuality. The most common perpetrators of anti-gay violence are young men, ages 21 or under. In 1988 a national survey indicated that only 12% of males ages 15 to 19 felt they could befriend a gay person. Honest information that disputes the myths surrounding homosexuality would help insure that we do not raise a future generation of children filled with ignorance, fear and intolerance for people different from themselves.

If my child is exposed to homosexuality, is he/she more likely to become gay or lesbian?
It is unlikely that information about homosexuality or exposure to gay men or lesbians will influence a child's sexual orientation. Current research suggests that sexual orientation is influenced by genetic or biological factors and is probably determined before or shortly after birth. If a child is going to be gay, it is likely that the child is going to be gay regardless of whether or not he/she is exposed to homosexuality.

Almost all gay men and lesbians have grown up in a heterosexual world, with very little exposure to homosexuality. The overwhelming majority of gay men and lesbians were raised by heterosexual parents, educated by heterosexual teachers, and socialized with heterosexual siblings and friends. They were surrounded by heterosexism in magazines, books, movies and on television, yet they grew up to be gay. It should also be noted that children raised by gays and lesbians are no more inclined to be homosexual than children raised by heterosexual parents.

Are children of gay and lesbian parents more likely to be gay, and have more emotional or social problems?
There are currently between one million and five million lesbian mothers and between one million and three million gay fathers in the United States. The majority of these children are from previous heterosexual marriages, but many gay men and lesbians are choosing to adopt or become foster parents, and lesbians are increasingly opting for artificial insemination.

In some states gay men and lesbian women are allowed to adopt or provide foster care, but in many cases only one parent is allowed to become the child's legal guardian. Policies such as these do little to help promote family unity, not to mention the legal ramifications of such an arrangement should the legal guardian die, or the couple separates. None-the-less, many gays and lesbians manage to raise their children in a successful manner.

A review of nine studies concerning aspects of personal development, such as, self-concept, moral judgment, and intelligence, revealed no significant difference between children of lesbians and gay men and children of heterosexuals. There are also 35 different studies conducted within the last fifteen years that have shown that children of gay and lesbian parents are no more likely to become homosexual than children of heterosexuals, and are just as well adjusted. A recent study conducted by Fiona Tasker of Birkbeck College in the Netherlands indicates that non-biological lesbian co-parents are usually more involved with the children and are more likely to assume common child-raising tasks, than are the fathers of heterosexual couples.

Aren't homosexuals opposed to family values?
What the majority of gay people object to has nothing to do with the values families wish to instill in their children, but rather the narrow definition of family certain organizations wish to promote. The idea of a father, a mother, and their children, as being the only legitimate type of family is not only unrealistic in our society, but is demeaning to the millions of American families that do not meet this narrow definition. Single parent families, step families, adoptive families, extended families, and gay and lesbian families are all valid family units and deserve to be recognized as such. Traditional American values such as love, compassion, responsibility, honesty, integrity, self-reliance, accountability, and respect are values most parents wish to instill in their children, regardless of sexual orientation.

The American Home Economics Association and the American Association of Family and Consumer Science define the family unit as:

"two or more persons who share resources, share responsibility for decisions, share values and goals, and have commitment to one another over time. The family is that climate that one "comes home to" and it is this network of sharing and commitments that most accurately describes the family unit, regardless of blood, legal ties, adoption, or marriage."

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Civil Rights & Marriage

What is the gay agenda?
Organizations opposed to gay rights claim homosexuals have some hidden plan to tear apart the moral fabric of American society and often refer to the gay communities' efforts to obtain equal rights as the "gay agenda" or the "hidden gay agenda". To the contrary, gay men and lesbians tend to be fairly straight forward about what it is they are seeking - equal rights and equal protection of those rights with regard to housing, employment, public accommodation and the ability to offer financial and legal security to their families. The invention of the "hidden gay agenda" is nothing more than a scare tactic employed by anti-gay organizations in an effort to place fear in the minds of the American public.

Why are so many gay people involved in Civil Rights Issues?
Civil rights issues are important to the gay community because in many circumstances homosexuals do not have the same basic rights other citizens in our country do. In most states and cities a gay person can legally be denied housing, employment, and public accommodation simply because of their sexual orientation.

Why should we grant civil rights protection on the basis of behavior?
Some claim that gays are not deserving of civil rights protection, because unlike racial minorities, homosexuality is defined by behavior, not something innate such as skin color. But what they fail to consider is that current scientific research suggests sexual orientation to be innate and is probably in place very early in the life cycle.

Furthermore, homosexuality can not be defined simply by behavior. Sexual orientation (whether it be homosexual or heterosexual ) is distinguished by an enduring emotional, romantic, sexual, spiritual, and affectional attraction to individuals of a particular sex. Sexual orientation is different from sexual behavior because it refers to feelings and self-concept. A persons behavior may or may not reflect his/her true sexual orientation. A person can be gay regardless of whether or not they have had a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex. Likewise, a heterosexual can engage in homosexual behavior, but this does not make him/her gay.

Don't homosexuals want special rights?
Organizations opposed to laws that would prevent the discrimination of homosexuals promote the idea that gays want special rights. They claim that everyone is already protected equally, and that laws which would prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation would be designed primarily to protect the rights of homosexuals, thus making them special rights. What they fail to realize is that heterosexuals are unlikely to be fired from their jobs or evicted from their homes simply because of their sexual orientation. Gays and lesbians on the other hand, are far more likely to face this type of discrimination.

The gay community is not interested in obtaining special rights of any kind. They simply want equal rights and equal protection of those rights with regard to employment, housing, and public accommodation. The gay community does not intend for laws to legislate affirmative action programs such as quotas or financial incentives offered to employers who hire homosexuals. Nor do they intend to force private citizens who rent out rooms in their homes to be obligated under law to rent to anybody who is unwilling to abide by the rules of their home. Similarly, churches and other religious institutions would be exempt from any laws governing the employment of gays and lesbians.

How can gays claim to be discriminated against when they have higher than average incomes?
Professor Lee Badgett of the School of Public Affairs at the University of Maryland reported in the July 1995 issue of Industrial and Labor Relations Review That data from the General Social Survey of 1989-1991 indicated that gay men's' incomes ran 11% to 27% below average, and that lesbian incomes were 12% to 30% below average. Professor Badgett also cites a 1988 survey of 191 employers in Anchorage, Alaska, in which 27% said they would not hire gays or lesbians, 26% said they would not promote gays or lesbians, and 18% said they would fire them.

Because of the difficulty associated with obtaining a representative random sample, very few surveys have attempted to estimate the average incomes of gay men and lesbians. To date Professor Badgett's study is the only one which has relied on data taken from a national random sample survey that specifically asked about income and sexual orientation.

Why do gays want the legal right to marry? Why don't they just live together?
Gay couples desire to marry for the same reasons heterosexuals couples do: love, companionship, shared interests, common goals, emotional and financial security, and in some cases to raise a family. Millions of gay men and lesbians are living in long term committed relationships despite the fact that homosexual unions lack many of the financial, legal and social benefits which are automatically provided for heterosexual couples upon marriage.

Currently, gay couples do not have the automatic right to make medical, legal, or financial decisions on behalf of their partner should the need arise. They may be denied access to visit their spouse in intensive care units and other hospital departments. Gay and lesbian couples do not have the automatic right to make funeral arrangements, or to assume ownership of property (even jointly owned property) when a partner dies.

Gay couples also lack many of the financial benefits of marriage. They may not have access to their spouses' employee health insurance, retirement or death benefits. They are not eligible for tax breaks heterosexual couples receive, nor are they eligible for insurance discounts which are frequently provided for married couples. Gays and lesbians would like to see same-sex marriages legalized so that they could provide the same type of legal, financial, and emotional security for their loved ones that heterosexual couples currently enjoy.

Can't same-sex couples obtain legal benefits without being married?
With the help of an attorney, some of the benefits of legal marriage can be obtained by same-sex couples, but many cannot. A valid will and power of attorney can provide some protection, but this takes time and money, and is subject to challenges from biological family members and the government. Until same-sex couples are allowed to marry, their rights and benefits will not be equal to, or as secure as the rights and benefits granted to heterosexual couples upon marriage.

Tradition defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman, for the purpose of raising children.
Tradition alone is not a sufficient reason to deny gay and lesbian couples the legal, financial, and emotional benefits of a civil union. Not long ago, the thought of abolishing slavery, allowing women to vote, interracial marriage, and women serving in the military, were also met with strong opposition because they went against tradition. One purpose of marriage is to raise children (as some gay couples do), but the opportunity to have and raise children is not the only reason people choose to marry. Companionship, love, shared interests, common goals, financial and emotional security are also reasons couples choose to wed.

Won't granting homosexuals the right to marry devalue heterosexual marriage?
The belief that allowing gays to legally marry would devalue heterosexual marriage is absurd. This attitude operates under the assumption that the value of heterosexual marriage is dependent upon the deprivation of a certain group of people in our society. Giving gay couples the right to marry would not take away any of the rights heterosexual couples currently enjoy, it would only extend those rights and responsibilities to everyone in our society.

If gays and lesbians are allowed to marry, where will it end?
Some hypothesize that marriage between gays and lesbians will lead to men marrying boys and fathers marrying daughters. They even go so far as to say that people will fight for the right to marry their pets. These same arguments were used by those who opposed interracial marriage. They were not valid then, and they are not valid now. Same-sex marriage, like heterosexual marriage, would consist of two consenting adults. There's no reason to believe that same-sex marriage will lead to legalized incestuous relationships or the abuse of animals anymore so than heterosexual marriage already does.

Isn't homosexuality abnormal or unnatural; after all, they can't have children?
Homosexuality is not the sexual orientation of the majority of people, but that in itself does not make it abnormal. If we were to use that type of logic, then we would have to consider left handed people to be abnormal also. To a heterosexual person, an intimate relationship with someone of the same sex might seem abnormal or unnatural, but not any more so than heterosexual relations would seem to someone who is gay. Furthermore, there is nothing abnormal or unnatural about wanting to share your life and love with another person. Having the ability to produce offspring is not a prerequisite. If it were, we would have to deny marriage licenses to heterosexual couples who did not wish to, or for some reason could not have children.

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Homosexuality & Religion

Doesn't the Bible condemn homosexuality?
Some Biblical scholars believe that the Bible condemns homosexuality, others do not. Different denominations use the Bible as a basis for their faith, yet beliefs between these churches can be quite diverse. Throughout history some mainstream Christian churches have used the Bible to justify slavery, racism, child abuse, domestic violence, and sexism. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. used Scripture to inspire those struggling to overcome racism at the same time others used the Bible to promote racial segregation and violence. Obviously, the Bible can be interpreted in many different ways.

Out of the 31,173 verses contained in the Bible, there are less than a dozen that allegedly deal with the topic of homosexuality. The meaning of these verses remains fairly obscure to many Biblical scholars, especially in the context of loving committed relationships. Jesus himself said nothing, which leads many people to believe that the subject of homosexuality was not a concern. Interestingly enough, the word homosexual did not appear in any translation of the Bible until 1946. Likewise, there are words in the Greek language for same-sex sexual activities, yet they never appear in the original text of the New Testament.

But my church teaches, and I believe, that homosexuality is morally wrong.
As citizens of this country we have the right to pursue the faith of our choice without fear of persecution; but, as citizens of this country we also have the responsibility to insure that no one persons' beliefs, religious or otherwise, interfere with another persons basic civil rights. Some religious faiths teach that eating meat or consuming caffeine is wrong. Others prohibit dancing, the use of modern technology, eating pork, or the use of birth control. These people have the right to live by the teaching of their faiths, but they do not have the right to insist that all people live according to their personal beliefs. Our government is not a theocracy based on Biblical law. Legislation must reflect a tolerance for diversity in extending basic civil rights to all citizens with respect for the common good of society. As demonstrated in Baehr v. Miike (Hawaii same-sex marriage case) same-sex marriage would not adversely affect society, children, or the institution of marriage.

If gay marriage were legal, wouldn't that force my church to perform same-sex marriages?
As with heterosexual marriage, religious institutions maintain the power to choose who they will marry based on their own policies and beliefs. Gays and lesbians are not seeking the right to get married in the church of their choice, but rather the right to a legal union and the benefits provided by our government to married couples. There are already several churches that perform same-sex union ceremonies, but these ceremonies provide none of the legal benefits of marriage. Gays and lesbians are not looking to marry in the religious sense (they already can), they are seeking the right to marry in a legal sense.

Are gay people religious people?
Although religion has traditionally been a major source of oppression for gay and lesbian people, many still actively participate within their respective religions. The degree to which they are able to be open about their sexuality is dependent upon their particular religion, denomination, and congregation. The issue of homosexuality has been given much consideration by a number of mainstream religious organizations within the last few decades. Many still hold conservative views about homosexuality, while several have become more welcoming to gay and lesbian people, and supportive of homosexual issues and concerns.

AIDS is God's punishment for homosexuality!
HIV is a virus that has the potential to infect anyone. Over 70% of HIV infection world wide is the result of heterosexual contact (World Health Organization, 1996). According to CDC statistics (July, 1997) heterosexual sex is the fastest growing mode of transmission for HIV in the United States - growing at a rate of 15 to 20 percent a year, compared to 5 percent for intravenous drug users and 5 percent for gay males. Lesbians remain the least likely group of people to acquire HIV through sexual contact.

Simply put, AIDS is a disease, like any other disease. If we believe that disease is a form of punishment, then what did the people who suffer from cancer do to deserve such a fate? What about Alzheimer's, multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, and the thousands of other horrible diseases, birth defects, and illnesses?

Who are these anti-gay organizations, and what is their goal?
Anti-gay organizations have played a paramount role in the opposition of gay rights. In an effort to gain wide support, they often operate under the premise of defending Christian values or traditional family values. The real motivation behind these organizations is political power and greed.

Relying on society's ignorance about homosexuality, they exploit the faith of their followers by perpetuating myths and twisting factual information to suit their self-serving needs. They show a blatant disregard for scientifically sound research, while promoting the findings of inherently flawed studies, placing unwarranted fear in the hearts and minds of the nations faithful.

Many mainstream Christian churches are appalled by the behavior of homophobic organizations which profess to teach the word of God by spreading lies that perpetuate ignorance, resulting in hatred, fear and all to often violence.

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